I'm an Obama Mama

I should have said this a long time ago. I'm an Obama Mama. No, make that a Crazy-for-Obama Mama. Over at Cupcakes, we're all Obama gals, totally sweet on the guy. This man needs to be elected. It's not because he is black or young or about "change"--it's because he represents much needed change and a new paradigm. The snarky, mean-spirited, irresponsible, unaccountable spit-firing status quo has not been working for some time. Eight years in fact but that road was paved long ago during the Reagan years.

As the recent economic bubble bursting would indicate, the party is over, people, and we need to cut back, regroup and focus on America again. Not on corporate greed, not on rewriting the Constitution for our own purposes, not on wars we have no business fighting in the first place and that we can't possibly win.

We need another FDR to benefit and sustain the middle class through programs that create work. Sustainable energy would be a start: in this country, not outsourced, pay as we go. And while we're at it, let's bring back the FDR stance on isolationism. Sure, he eventually realized we had to enter World War II but that was a different kind of war than the small turf wars we are fighting now (and in countries that hopefully Sarah Palin can identify were she to be elected).

As for the experience question, when you get right down to it, who is really qualified to be president of the United States? A warrior and same-old politician who changes his mind and his alliances for public favor or someone who passionately, eloquently gets things done and thinks them through and who will surround himself who those who think and challenge him, also? As for religious views, I echo the words of others: we are not electing a new Messiah, we are electing a person to run this country. They are two different entities. America was founded on personal and religious freedoms and we can never take those for granted but the current administration has been doing a great disservice to those freedoms.

If race (or even gender) is a consideration, consider that is probably the most ignorant posture one can take--in this era or any other. If it is the economy and you are still wrapped up in the tiresome Democratic "tax and spend" debate, consider this: George W. Bush has spent more of your tax dollars and his country's largess than any other president in history. Meanwhile, for those who think Obama is a socialist because McCain says so, please consider that the government's recent bail out of Wall Street is Republican socialism for the rich. Think of what that same money--or the billions of dollars in Iraq--could do towards helpful programs like health care and quality education? If that's considered socialism, I'll eat my high monthly health insurance bill and private tuition expenditures.

Needed change will come by ousting out any semblance of the past eight years and allowing someone new and bright and inspiring to have a try. I believe that Senators Barack Obama and Joseph Biden and Democratic leaders across the nation are our only hope for reversing many negative situations and the collective ethos of this country. America has been a great nation, is great, and can be even greater again. I am looking forward to November 5--a new day and hopefully a new era for the United States of America.

Mercury is in Retrograde--Of COURSE it is!

Why didn't I think of this sooner? Tonight it occurred to me, after a weekend of failed communications in my work life (very failed, and misunderstood I might add), and with the nation's economic collapse and hate-spewing bimbos running for office, that what we've got here, folks, in the words of Strother Martin as the Captain, left in Cool Hand Luke "is failure to communicate." ["what we got heehr is...failyuh to com-municate "] But why is that?

Well, we could blame Mercury for one, that pesky little planet that three times a year or so goes into "retrograde." While I don't really understand what that means in planetary terms, here is a synopsis of what it means in astrological terms, according to AstrologyCom.com:

In general, Mercury rules thinking and perception, processing and disseminating information and all means of communication, commerce, education and transportation. By extension, Mercury rules people who work in these areas, especially people who work with their minds or their wits: writers and orators, commentators and critics, gossips and spin doctors, teachers, travelers, tricksters and thieves.

[Basically that sounds like the media, anyone who writes, or "tricksters and thieves..." Mmm, who could they be?]

Mercury retrograde gives rise to personal misunderstandings; flawed, disrupted, or delayed communications, negotiations and trade; glitches and breakdowns with phones, computers, cars, buses, and trains. And all of these problems usually arise because some crucial piece of information, or component, has gone astray or awry.
["Astray or awry..." Wall Street crisis anyone?]

It is therefore not wise to make important decisions while Mercury is retrograde, since it is very likely that these decisions will be clouded by misinformation, poor communication and careless thinking. Mercury is all about mental clarity and the power of the mind, so when Mercury is retrograde these intellectual characteristics tend to be less acute than usual, as the critical faculties are dimmed. Make sure you pay attention to the small print!

This period of time began on September 24, influenced by Libra, will peak on October 15, and wane by October 31st. Just in time for the election. Let's hope the uninformed masses, some as witnessed in this segment below, will find that their "critical faculties" have returned. These interviews, recorded on BlueOhioan, make me somewhat embarrassed to be a native of that big Blue-ish-Reddish state (which I guess, when mixed, makes it purple, which is the color of homosexuals, which I guess isn't such a bad thing -- At least, on a symbolic level, Ohioans would be heading in the right direction for tolerance that way). Have people lost their minds? If these clips weren't real they would be brilliant parody. But they're real, and really sad.



Another "huh?" moment for me occurred this evening when a friend announced the end of her blog (something I was briefly tempted to do myself this weekend--at least to announce some sort of hiatus from this computer realm where I seem to often be misunderstood or misheard or misconstrued...and I'm supposedly a writer).

Here is a little Bill Maher to round out the weekend (from October 10--"New Rules" and closing monologue). He, too, is puzzled by divisive candidates and a fair number of idiotic prospective voters but he is an equal opportunity comic, even though we know where his politics lie:



We live in a deeply divided country...the truth is we hate each other's guts. Bill Maher

Meanwhile, I'm guessing this whole retrograde thing is starting to affect our neighbors, too, because since I started typing this blog fifteen minutes ago I've heard a series of gun shots (maybe 20 or so) from their direction. I suppose I wouldn't otherwise worry except it is 1 o'clock in the morning! And we're on a ridge, in the middle of freaking nowhere. I woke my husband up and he didn't seem concerned. But my friends, if I might get all folksy for a moment, fact is always stranger than fiction. I suppose it is just another day in a big, giant Red state.

Ok, Sarah, This Isn't Funny

A few months ago, not really that long ago in the scheme of things, a virtually unknown governor from Alaska emerged on the political scene, apparently molded from a Hollywood GOP machine: vibrant, attractive, mother of five and soon-to-be grandmother, an accomplished huntress at close range, and as conservative as Ronald Reagan. An unusually giddy Ann Coulter, who had promised to vote for Hillary before she voted for McCain, showed her complete approval in her endorsement of her as the new Ronald Reagan. Another female pundit, very early on, said something like, "I think the American public will greatly underestimate Sarah Palin." I believe she was right.

At first I hated this woman. I admit, I shed a few tears during her dazzling convention speech (you have to give her major points for public speaking and her ability to charm the pants off a crowd), especially when she looked at the camera and promised that she would champion rights for special needs children when she is in the White House. I don't have a special needs child but I'm a mother and she just reached in and plucked at those maternal heart strings a bit.

But then I began to get really hot around the collar about her politics and her apparent inability to tell the truth about her political background. I also cringed at her book banning in Wasilla and her emerging jabs at her opponents. Another angry, hate-mongering Republican. Just what the world needs now. I tried to keep that she was a woman out of my realm of thinking but that was easily replaced by an image of her firing at wolves at close range from the open door of a low-flying plane. A GOP man's wet dream come to life or a living poster girl for her own self-proclaimed Joe Six-Pack. YOU betcha!

When Katie Couric and Charlie Gibson interviewed her after weeks of being kept from the media, I actually began to feel sorry for Sarah Palin. Here is this sacrificial lamb, put up by the men in the GOP, who think she will get the votes needed to bring more of the same, if not worse, to the White House. Her deer-in-the-headlights "sentence to nowhere" blunders belied unpreparedness, a lack of intelligence almost like G. W.'s (but she seems smarter than he, or at least more shrewd). So I eased up on my feelings for her, hoping she would just quietly go away. In the debate, I cringed with the expectancy that Biden would pummel her but he did not and she did not falter. While her responses, or "talking points," seemed well studied, her ability to look at the camera, into the hearts of undecided American voters and her own fan base, was positively Eva Peron-esque. In her sweetly-tempered but angry populist rantings and ability to incite a crowd she is divisive and dangerous.

While the polls are way down for McCain, it is likely the economy and not Palin's behavior and performances that is driving that reality. With her recent hate-mongering at rallies, attacks on Obama, and mention of the word "terrorist" in the same sentence as Obama, this is enough to get some of the uneducated masses near hysterics. This woman is doing the political process no favors while certain clergy members liken Obama to the anti-Christ. I live in a region of the country, where, sadly, racial and "hate in the name of Christianity" comments are still muttered and the people who make these remarks are what give rednecks a bad name.

However, racism and hateful behaviors behind the cloak of Christianity span all classes and genders--and regions of the country--and I do not mean to single out one group of people. Any pandering in that direction, or racial innuendos, and that's all the fuel people who live by fear and ignorance need. Sarah Palin, and her operators in the GOP, are just savvy enough to know this and their populism belies a scarier agenda. Country First! Yeah, right. It is more like divide and conquer. [But it is heartening, on a brief search of the Internet to find a website or blog devoted to Women Against Sarah Palin, and many of them Republican. If I were a registered Republican, conservative or moderate, I would be appalled by McCain's selection of Palin: this is the best you could come up with? If he was playing the gender card, what about well-respected long-time Maine Senator Olympia J. Snowe for starters?]

In the words of Betty White on a recent Late, Late Show appearance, this Palin woman is "one crazy bitch." There, I've said it, too.

So, Sarah, you're in my sights again as a distasteful candidate for vice-president but also as a non-representative woman for our country or for someone who could be the first woman vice-president (and God forbid, president). No, this shouldn't be about gender but, speaking as a woman, mother, citizen and voter in this country, you are really beginning to piss me off. Please take a cue from the Jesus you claim to follow and stop the hate-mongering. It isn't becoming of a Christian or a politician or a woman. You need to stay up in Alaska, keep a close watch across the Bearing Straits for Putin (mmm, kind of sounds like PALIN), and do some more reading. I'm certain that your local librarian can point you in the right direction (and I'm not speaking about politics--and hey, I know some Cupcakes who could set you straight, also, with their own reading lists and Democratic thinking). Please stay close to home and take care of your babies, defend it if you have to with your own close-range weapons, but leave the lower-48 alone. I wish you many prosperous years ahead in the splendid isolation of the Alaskan wilderness. I'm not going to waste any more time thinking about you.

Why You Won't Find Sandra Bernhard on the Information Highway

I have liked Sandra Bernhard's zany and wry wit since seeing her bust up (and often piss off) David Letterman in the 1980s. Tonight on PerezHilton there was an especially raunchy clip of Bernhard in regards to Sarah Palin. As she seemed to want everyone to spread the word, I'm doing so. However, it's too vile and out there for me to post it directly, even though I don't care for Sarah Palin as a vice-presidential candidate or possible future president. That's when I found this somewhat tamer, less political clip.

I do enjoy my computer but am trying to limit my time with it. As for phones, they can all go away and I wouldn't mind (except, like on the rare occasion this weekend, when I travel alone). Sandra seems to voice what I've been thinking for a very long time. [And Cupcakes, I will be sending some byway postcards very soon...]

And speaking of funny mamas, I think she is pregnant with her daughter in this clip (a while ago now):

For the Love of God, Don't Get Your Hair Cut at Wal-Mart!

What was I thinking? I have probably lived in the south-central part of our country for way too long now and the warmer, sometimes tropical, climes and longer days have affected my brain. We've been here almost two months--actually seven if you count all the months this year combined: but that included three trips back to New England for hair cuts with James (ok, and other things). Ah, James. Where are you now that I need you most? Oh yes, it is I that left you and everything familiar.

I was in Wal-Mart today. I go to Wal-Mart and sometimes K-Mart (yes, K-Mart). Sometimes these are the only places around here to find what you are looking for, especially housewares (and they are top rate at K-Mart in terms of baking and utensil and storage items). And they're cheap. I've even bought groceries at Wal-Mart. Besides, the nearest Target is in Lexington and that's a 90 mile/90 minute drive.

Wal-Mart, in a really strange and insidious way, is trying to be the new town square: groceries, hardware, optical shop, clothing, dry goods, bank, hair salon. Experientially this does not work for me but I get what they're doing and they're giving it good to small town America. We can single-handedly thank Wal-Mart for taking most businesses away from small towns and rolling up the sidewalk on Mom and Pop businesses on town squares. I am complicit but I am not a convert.

Well friends, that is where I really lost it: at the hair salon. Oh, walk-ins welcome! No one in line, my husband's aunt and I both desperately needed hair cuts. Why not? Well, I should have taken this sign more seriously: "No refunds, no exceptions." Mmm. But consider this, dear reader. I am 1,100 hundred miles from my regular hair stylist. He was the owner and he charged $45 for a cut and wash. Down here that would buy you about three hair cuts (before you throw in the tip). Of course, not being really concerned about such things as finding a new hairstylist (I procrastinate when it comes to things like change), I had reached the point of desperation. Clearly. [Now I believe that's the seventh adverb in this diabtribe--try writing without adverbs, especially when you are upset. It can be difficult. Clearly.]

I have to say in all fairness and full disclosure that my hair has been whacked since spring 2007. I was taking a medication which apparently causes major hair loss in most who take it and I found this out a month later, as I was holding a wad of hair in my hand and surfing Google about hair loss. I had noticed an immediate change in my hair texture and a lot more hair in my sink, shower and hands whenever I touched it. I stopped this medication a year later because losing all of that hair was not helping my anxiety or depression (which is why I was on Lexapro in the first place). Five months later, post pill purge, I'm still losing my hair. Perhaps it takes longer for the hair root, shaft and follicles to realize it is no longer depressed. Let's hope so.


Disclaimer: This is not me, it is Victoria Beckham (aka "Posh" Spice). She seems to have started the trend of the female reverse mullet which has been cranked to the max down here below the Mason-Dixon line.

So I've had a lot of bad hair days this year and I can't entirely blame the stylist (hair hacker) at today's salon. I would say I have what is probably termed a reverse mullet but the more conservative variety you see on many women down here or on Oprah audience members. I asked for a bob, shorter than my former hair but not shorn like a sheep. Well, baa. Baa, baa, baa. The back is short and curly (ok, we won't go there) and the front is like two big long forelocks. If my hair wasn't naturally curly these would be as straight as a horse's mane. A reverse mullet is like a traditional 1920s style bob on major steroids.


Meet the Mullets! [Or is this Wilma, Pebbles and BamBam?]

Meanwhile, my husband pointed out that you could see my scalp in places in the back. This is after I said, "aren't you going to comment on my hair cut?" He hadn't noticed until I mentioned it. For the rest of the evening I could forgive the odd looks he was giving me. And then he got physically ill. I'm not kidding. Sick as a dog. Confined to his room ever since.

I am heading to a conference tomorrow. Never get a haircut two days before you have to speak in front of large room of people you've never met before. While I will have visions of them in their underwear, they will be wondering, who is this radiation victim? Well, she got what she paid for: at Wal-Mart.

More about hair wars when I return (and more pics!).

Refrigerator Wars

Just today my friend Edie reminded me of a conundrum that my husband and I have had since we got married. Two-door or single door refrigerator? I grew up with a single door and could always find stuff. Even if it was buried in the back, the width of the fridge allowed you to be able to see behind other things. And it was never deep enough to allow anything to hide in the back and molder for months at a time. It also was never 3,000 cubic feet of space and depth. Like a closet or a pantry cupboard, refrigerators should never be too deep or too large. Maybe there was a sensible reason women shopped more frequently. Forget waste not want not. How about see no evil, smell no evil?

About twelve years ago when we renovated our New Hampshire house we bought one of those big, SuperCubic fridges. It had two doors, lots of shelves, capacious storage space, and the coveted ice and water dispenser in the door. I have thrown away more waste from that refrigerator and freezer just by the nature of its design. Shelves were never wide enough for party preparations so things invariably got jammed in the back. Stuff in the far corners of the fridge invariably froze into a solid mass. Iced lettuce anyone?

The unit was almost three feet deep so my short person arms could barely reach all the way in. This necessitated having to stand on a teetering stool or asking my husband or children to fetch something for me lest I fell in and became part of a weeks-old mystery casserole.

"Oh, Mama, you're such a dwarf!"

Imagine the rollicking laughter as mama tries to prepare dinner only to have a chorus of voices and pointing fingers at the skirt-clad Mrs. Oompa Loompa, half in the fridge, half out of it, who is only trying to feed her young. [Speaking of Oompa Loompas, here is the very best scene in the original Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory movie, with Gene Wilder, set to hip-hop. Although freakish, it defines my life on most days! On second thought, I don't believe there were any females of the species at the chocolate factory but surely they must have existed in Ooompa Loompa land.]

Our new fridge, which we inherited with the double-wide, is a newer two-door model with less depth and more width. Made by Maytag, it's a step up from our 12-year old General Electric model. But things can still get lost in it. We like the ice machine and water dispenser. I'm learning to live in two-door paradise and trying to be more vigilant about what's in the fridge and where. But here's the other problem: just when you get a system in place and know where everything is, one of five other members of your household comes in, rearranges or uses things, and then doesn't put the item back where it belongs. Isn't that the reason for most failed organizational plans? For most discord in life?


The Brits and Aussies have the right idea in fridge size (or at least used to). But where to put all of those party platters? © State Library of Victoria

For some reason men--and I believe it is the group of men who are not regular cooks--seem to prefer the really big cubic, two-door variety. Maybe it is because they don't like the idea that the other kind doesn't have an ice machine. Maybe they just have large appliance envy. This group of men also doesn't know much about organizing things. They would rather shove something in a drawer or bin or back of the fridge than to put it into any kind of order. And then they have the nerve to complain because you haven't used up things in the fridge, often items that they have placed carefully into the cavernous nether regions of the electric food cave.

My standard line in such moments? "Oh, I must have forgotten it was there!"

Clearly. This response doesn't cast blame or attack the other fridge user and it deflects blame in a careful manner. It is also just a statement of fact. Out of sight, out of mind. I suspect that these two-door fridge designers are in collusion with the food industry. I can hear the pitch now when they went from one-door to two-door fridges back in the 1970s:


You see, we tempt them with capaciousness and then those unsuspecting housewives stuff these babies to the gills and shop more and then forget what they've bought! And their husbands and kids further screw up the works by 'getting into the fridge' all the time. Brilliant. Oh, and add the ice/water dispenser in the freezer door. Men will want those for their cocktails and let's face it, men will be the ultimate lure in the refrigerator purchase. Women just think they have the upper hand on this one but the guys still buy and bring home the bacon. The little dolls just put it away...in their new two-door refrigerators! They'll never know what hit them! AH, HA, HA, HA, HA!

**This LG 4-door French refrigerator-freezer is probably the right idea: 2 freezer drawers and even an ice machine on the left fridge door, as per tradition. [Images from The Appliancist]

If and when we build our "dream farmhouse" I'm going to plan for one of those refrigerators with the fridge on top and the freezer chest down below. It will be no more than counter depth, 24 inches, and I will have a smaller freezer-only option in the pantry with its own ice machine to keep "the boys" happy (ok, and yes, they are handy, I will concede). I envision it to be like the cabinet-door clad, counter depth designer fridge that my friend Peaches has in her well-designed dream kitchen. But she only has one other person getting into her fridge. To me, that idea is practically bliss.

**Someone is making a LOT of money from the "LG" logo = Life's Good. They just copyrighted the phrase. Imagine that.

Pinheads First! Zerbina for President!

© Bill Griffiths, Zippy the Pinhead

I’m Zerbina the Pinhead and I approve this message!

I was going to submit this to The Washington Post's latest contest, "That's The Ticket" (week 782) but it is way too long for that. [NOTE: all quotes and facts are searchable and verifiable at the National Library for Pinheads: www.ZippythePinhead.com, © Bill Griffiths]

And remember, just say NO to book banning!

As you know, Zerbina the Pinhead was first vetted for Veep to Krusty the Clown. Then in a moment of pure party mayhem, the Pinhead Party (PP) decided to nominate Zerbina for president after a routine outing by The National Enquirer of Krusty’s alleged visits to the former Sex Cauldron. Since Krusty’s raucous candidacy, Zerbina has emerged out of seeming nowhere as every Pinhead male’s wet dream and what every Pinhead female considers herself to be.

Zerbina is a consummate consumer but also worries about things like the environment. Seems Pinheads—and women everywhere—can relate to her common sense and frequently surreal approach to life, as well as that zany fashion sense. Lead our nation? You bet!

“I don’t like it when the bears rip up the salmon,” Zerbina was overheard saying while watching a nature program with Zippy, her high school sweetheart and husband since the Carter administration. No worries about air raid slaughters on the Alaskan wolf population or polar bear extinction with this woman!

While there was a brief millennial affair in 2000 with Curly, the manager of Bowl-Mor Lanes, Zippy forgave Zerbina in a realization of mutual post-millennial crisis, something the couple has struggled to overcome.

With a constant self-confessed urge “to acquire molded plastic furniture,” Zerbina is not only a compulsive shopper but after the occasional fight with Zippy she often buys real estate. Zerbina is a frequent on-line shopper and doesn’t want to miss a deal. She also loves the mall and consumer culture. Forget Sarah Palin failing to sell a jet on eBay, Zerbina knows her way around the internet and could organize regular government eBay yard sales to eliminate waste.

Zippy recalled a moment in 1999 when Zerbina was fitful: “Zippy, I can’t sleep!” she said. “I can’t stop worrying about everything…I’m worried about money, social status, cancer, the environment, and the IRS…I hate what Bill Clinton has done to our country!” It was then he knew his wife was presidential material but it took ten years for the race of Pinheads to realize they had a potential world leader in their midst. Although she did admit to having sex with Bill Clinton in 1998, Zerbina and Zippy remain a happily married power Pinhead couple. They are the nuclear parents of two little Pinheads: Meltdown and Fuelrod.

Here is a synopsis of Zerbina the Pinhead’s position on various issues:

RELIGION—No worries about confusion of church and state with this Pinhead, unless you’re concerned about mandatory jelly donut eating. She and her husband have been known to worship jelly donuts and Zerbina has been heard to give thanks to Safeway “for these additives which we are about to receive.”

RIGHTS of WOMEN (the “F” Question)—When Zippy went to Promise Keepers in the 1990s and tried to tell Zerbina that from now on he’s head of the house and that her place was to raise the kids, she “reminded him that he had no job, no prospects for a job, no marketable skill and that he only sporadically remembers he’s married.” That was the end of that. Folks, Zerbina wears the muumuu in that family and isn’t this the kind of woman we want as president?

MAJOR WORLD ISSUES—When Zippy asked Zerbina late in 1999 if she understood anything about science, politics, or economics she answered: “No, absolutely nothing! I read but it all goes by in a blur!” But she’s made progress. In August 1998 she vowed to “never shop in the factory outlets outside Hartford until a test ban treaty is signed.” Is there a bolder statement coming from a Pinhead mother and wife? She also regularly ponders things like campaign finance reform and global warming. And who wouldn’t agree with her motto: “Think Global. Act Loco”? Yes, Zerbina is Pinhead presidential material if there ever was one.

POLITICAL (and other) EXPERIENCE—In 1999 Zerbina briefly contemplated running for New York Senator Moynihan’s vacant seat but the rest is history. However, the Pinheads are vetting Zerbina with the understanding that little or no experience is needed to run this great country of ours. Remember: Country First—Experience Later!

PINHEAD PRESIDENTIAL FASHION PROSPECTS—Pinheads Go Hawaiian!—With Zerbina as president and Zippy as “First Pinhead” you can expect the muumuu to make a full and welcome return in 2009. It’s not a far stretch when you see the man skirt appearing at fall fashion shows this season.

OTHER—Zerbina the Pinhead is also a mean skateboarder and acknowledges scientific discovery (as in that the universe will continue to expand indefinitely). She has no known aversion to teaching science in the schools nor does she have dinosauraphobia (the act of refuting all dinosaur fossil remains).

She is also always available for a 3am phone call as Zerbina suffers from frequent bouts of insomnia. After an argument over an unlikely extramarital affair of Zippy and how she’d never bring impeachment proceedings against him, her husband remembers her sitting up in bed and saying, “Well, now that we’ve settled that, let’s resolve the Mid-East crisis, the Cuban trade embargo and Bosnia!!” As president, Zerbina the Pinhead will be a “take charge” kind of gal, 24-7.

Submitted by Campaign Director,
Zerbina the Pinhead for President